Barsexuality is the new black.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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