I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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