haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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