did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
