Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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