...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
