apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
