seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize