I wanna bring you to show and tell
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
