She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
