I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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