Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
