i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i think my cat just said my name.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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