Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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