so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize