He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
