Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Two words: blizzard sex
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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