My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
