so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
