I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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