You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
