Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
