I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
