And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
