i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize