Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
