The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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