I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
