For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
