Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found the puke drawer
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize