I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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