he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
