but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
