She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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