dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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