there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
