its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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