remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
