Don't make out with my wife yet
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize