that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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