Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
