8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
