He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
