I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
