Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
