i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
