wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
