That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
