you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize