i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
