my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
