Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
