just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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