Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
