Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize