I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Vodka?
Forever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
