How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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