you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
