Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
