his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
