haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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