dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
