He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
