dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
