it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
