So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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