This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
