My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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