I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
