haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
