Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Someone shattered a urinal.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
