This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
