alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
