Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
