If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
