I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
