I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize