Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
