they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
