Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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